Saturday, July 20, 2013

Movements and Swimming Pools

Imagine if you will, a movement- let’s say the squat.  Now, imagine a swimming pool; clean and refreshing.


Your movements are a swimming pool.

Your reps are gallons of water.

You have your pool and it is empty. It exists there as the knowledge of its existence. But you must fill it. You fill it with reps; technically sound reps are clean water. Reps done poorly are dirty water. Should you decide to start polluting your pool too soon the water will become murky and unpleasant.

Would you want to swim in a dirty pool?

Would you want to practice a movement that you no longer enjoy?

Start filling your pool with dirty water too soon and it is quick to become unclean. Once it is unclean, it is much harder to tap into a clean water source. Once it is unpleasant to swim in you no longer want to go swimming in it.

But should you fill it first with clean water, how dirty would it appear should you decide to pour in a gallon of muddy water? It would be unnoticed. It would be as if it occurred and then dissipated into nothingness.

It would be diluted by the vast quantity of clean water filling your swimming pool.

And you would still want to swim.

You would still squat.

And all the gallons you fill it with would make it grow from an inflatable children’s pool to an Olympic one.

But you will never fill an Olympic size pool should you decide to tap into unclean resources too soon. Yet, once you have it, you can afford a few gallons of murky water.

And still want to swim in your swimming pool. 

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Sky Out. Thighs Out. Man Edition.

Many of you last year read my post about wearing tank tops.  I'm now very close to coming to terms with my swole while wearing a tank top. I'm fairly confident going out in town and going to the beach while wearing tanks- going to the gym, not so much. In time though.

I however, have moved on to the next frontier of being swole and wearing "revealing" clothing.

I'm talking shorts.

I'm talking short shorts. 

And I've taken this effort to the forefront. I'm wearing short shorts to the gym. I'm wearing them while instructing others. While going to the beach. Sure I take some heat. But most of it is in good nature. Things said like,

"If you weren't you then I'd be talking shit" (paraphrased)

This is nice to me- which is awesome. It's acknowledging my awesomeness, yet is also a backhanded compliment. But it doesn't recognize the inherent greatness that exists below the hem on other men's booty shorts. I've also experienced some cat calling (both female and male), disgusted gazes, and general uneasiness around the gym. But those looks of, "Who the hell is this manlet and why is he wearing booty shorts?" quickly disappear once I start pulling 405 double overhand... and then 500, for almost two.

How about when I snatch 80% of my bodyweight the first day I ever tried.

And just for more fun, some alone time in the gym, with my short shorts.

Why? Just because I'm a sole MAN I'm not allowed to experience the breathability and comfort that is short shorts? I'm done dealing with the binding and looseness that embodies baggy clothing that is promoted by current mens athletic fashion. Let me get this straight? I'm supposed to wear sweat pants and a hoodie every time I go train?

Because my swole is offensive?

Get out of here.

If you don't like looking at my 24" thighs you could go elsewhere. I'm too busy training to give a crap about your bigoted and swole hating opinion anyways.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Drive - By - Ostriches

I have been perplexed from the beginning of this blog whence I began my journey promoting the juncture of social issues- swole and height, that there exists a type of person that expects all short people grow taller while also looking tall.  We’ll call this type of person a player on what I’ll refer to in the future as a “basketball team.”
I have many readers who have cried to me their stories of short shaming by basketball teams. They’re walking down the street - maybe to the gym to get swole, maybe they’re bulking – only to have the Miami Heat tour bus pull up next to them, jump out and de-pants them, beat them with their measly two championship rings then get back in their bus full of naked ladies and cocaine and speed off into the glory that is being 6 ft, tall, dark, and handsome.
Apprehension of public disgrace motivates many short people into hiding. They stop their steady state cardio, they stop HIIT, they might even stop going to the gym; simply due to endless heckling by the likes of Dwyane Wade, Juwan Howard, and that bullisome LeBron James. Why? Because these droves of basketball teams have this incomprehensible impulse to degrade those observed as lower or scrawny.
Logically, we know that basketball teams do this because there’s something wrong with them, namely, they’re not football or baseball players. Thereby making them athletically inferior. Or, maybe their fathers abandoned them as young boys. Regardless, it is not up to us shorter folk to comprehend them, nor is it our responsibility to ensure they check their height or athletic privileges.
Nevertheless, we know that ordinary, reasonable, standard height people don’t go around screaming at short people, the evidence is that insults passed from a lurking tour bus still wound. Merely concluding that all basketball players are dreadful jerks isn’t sufficient to quell the pain of pre-planned acts of anti-short terrorism. The real question is how can we, as short and swole people, live in a world where roaming hoards of hateful basketball teams are driven by rabid fervor to remind us daily that we are inferior?