Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Drive - By - Ostriches

I have been perplexed from the beginning of this blog whence I began my journey promoting the juncture of social issues- swole and height, that there exists a type of person that expects all short people grow taller while also looking tall.  We’ll call this type of person a player on what I’ll refer to in the future as a “basketball team.”
I have many readers who have cried to me their stories of short shaming by basketball teams. They’re walking down the street - maybe to the gym to get swole, maybe they’re bulking – only to have the Miami Heat tour bus pull up next to them, jump out and de-pants them, beat them with their measly two championship rings then get back in their bus full of naked ladies and cocaine and speed off into the glory that is being 6 ft, tall, dark, and handsome.
Apprehension of public disgrace motivates many short people into hiding. They stop their steady state cardio, they stop HIIT, they might even stop going to the gym; simply due to endless heckling by the likes of Dwyane Wade, Juwan Howard, and that bullisome LeBron James. Why? Because these droves of basketball teams have this incomprehensible impulse to degrade those observed as lower or scrawny.
Logically, we know that basketball teams do this because there’s something wrong with them, namely, they’re not football or baseball players. Thereby making them athletically inferior. Or, maybe their fathers abandoned them as young boys. Regardless, it is not up to us shorter folk to comprehend them, nor is it our responsibility to ensure they check their height or athletic privileges.
Nevertheless, we know that ordinary, reasonable, standard height people don’t go around screaming at short people, the evidence is that insults passed from a lurking tour bus still wound. Merely concluding that all basketball players are dreadful jerks isn’t sufficient to quell the pain of pre-planned acts of anti-short terrorism. The real question is how can we, as short and swole people, live in a world where roaming hoards of hateful basketball teams are driven by rabid fervor to remind us daily that we are inferior? 

1 comment:

  1. Some may say that I shouldn't have been reading this blog at work, but I choose instead to blame your writing for making me spit my drink on my work keyboard. I hope you're happy with yourself.